Career Networking: Mind Your Manners

Previously published in the Times Beacon Record Newspapers, Employment Section, July 26, 2007

by Laura Smith Dunaief

I like to think that I’m fairly well connected, and that I do a reasonable job of keeping in touch with former colleagues and friends.  So, when someone is looking for career networking help, I will often drop everything to put them in touch with the right person from my network or to offer some guidance.

As much as I pride myself on this, I have to admit that I’m not an anomaly.  Most people like to be supportive, especially if it’s to help someone find a new job or explore career opportunities.  In fact, it’s this spirit of helpfulness that keeps career networking alive and well.  We’ve all been there before, looking for that elusive piece of advice or entrée into a company that will make the difference in our job search.

And those of us who facilitate these connections for virtual strangers are fairly undemanding.  All we want is to hear what came of the assistance – hopefully, it was helpful – and, perhaps, receive a “thank you” for our efforts.  Most of those I help are more than happy to comply.

Still, there are a few “users” (I don’t know what else to call them) that seem to have forgotten basic manners.  These are the ones that sour me and many of my colleagues on the process.

Let me give you an example.  I was contacted about a year ago by a participant in one of my seminars.  I’ll call her “Ann.”  Ann was looking for guidance on moving into marketing.  A former boss of mine is in the field, and I offered to make an introduction.  I did the legwork: getting in touch with the former boss, asking her to make time to talk to Ann, and then writing back to Ann to provide her with contact information.

A month later, when I hadn’t heard anything, I emailed Ann.  Nothing.  I checked with my former boss.  Nope.  Ann had never called.

How about another example?  A friend of mine asked me if I would, as a favor, talk to an acquaintance of his, “Sue,” about how to position her resume for a different industry.  I spoke with Sue for over an hour and gave her my advice.  I never heard from her again. 

In another instance, a colleague asked me to speak with “Joe,” a friend of hers looking for some networking advice.  I arranged to talk with Joe that evening, since I was traveling.  I turned down a client’s last minute dinner offer because of this commitment.  At the appointed time, I was in my hotel room, dutifully waiting for the phone to ring.  Do you want to guess what happened – or didn’t?  I emailed Joe to follow up, thinking he’d been detained or lost my number.  No response.

Here’s one last example.  I was called by an acquaintance, “Jane,” who wanted an introduction to a friend of mine. When I asked for more information, I found Jane was trying to get to my friend’s boss to pitch her company’s services.  Knowing this would put my friend on the spot, I politely declined.  And then Jane pushed. And pushed.  I stopped returning her calls.

Are all networkers this inconsiderate?  Absolutely not.  Some fall over backward to tell you what came of a conversation or how what you did for them helped them achieve their goal.  Or they send a thoughtful email or handwritten note to thank you sincerely.  These are the people I will tie myself into pretzels to help again and again.

There’s nothing wrong with networking, even if it feels sometimes like shameless job searching.  Don’t be shy about asking everyone around you for networking help; it’s important to cast your net wide when you’re job searching.  You might be surprised at the connections you’ll make.  People want to help.  Just don’t be a “user.” 

So, what is the lesson here?  It’s fairly basic: use your manners. 

If someone is uncomfortable making an introduction, don’t push; they’ll only resent you. 

Follow through.  Either by contacting the people you were introduced to, or by keeping appointments with those trying to help you.

And be thankful for the help people offer. Spend a few minutes to write a note or send an email to thank them.  Tell them what came of the introduction and, ultimately, where you ended up.   

It’s not a lot to ask.

 

Laura Smith Dunaief is a principal of LASD Resource Development, which provides individual career coaching and corporate training and development programs.

Comments

[Jill Roy Jolley]

In these days of Facebook, Classmates, Linkdin and others, these rules of courtesy are so much more important because not only will the good manners get your further, the poor manners will set you back too. Remember the old customer service story: Customers with a good experience tell a couple of people but customers with a bad experience tell everyone they see for the next few days and tell the story again every chance the topic gets even close to their experience.